Into The Heart of Argentina

I was struck by the disparity between three non-fiction books I’ve read recently. Two tell of horrific experiences, and yet I would consider the endings, while not necessarily happy, certainly uplifting and encouraging. The other is one of the most profoundly sad books I have ever read.

“Refined By Fire” by Brian and Mel Birdwell tells the story of Brian’s near death on 9/11 after the Pentagon was hit and his subsequent long recovery that has included over thirty operations. Through it all, Mel was right there by his side.

At the end of the book Brian writes: “While we would never have chosen this path, the Lord allowed us to have this experience, and we’re responding as faithful followers of Jesus.

And Mel continues, When people ask me, “Was it worth it?” I easily and without hesitation answer, “Absolutely.” Even through all that pain, I learned a lesson about God’s sovereignty. It has deepened my faith and my relationship with God; It has also been an opportunity for Matt [their son] to see what putting feet to your faith means and to see the truth of what God can do in your life.

Gracia and Martin Burnham, held for over a year by Islamic terrorists in the Philippines, were kept on the march most of the time with little food or shelter. During a rescue attempt, Martin was killed and Gracia wounded. She now lives in Kansas with their children.

“In The Presence of My Enemies” is her story and at the end she writes, I am determined to keep serving the Lord with gladness as Martin emphasized that last rainy afternoon we spent together. What happened to Martin and me was no one’s fault except that of sinful human beings, the kind we came to the Philippines to help. This ordeal went with the territory. I refuse to let this dampen my joy or detract from the love that God means to flourish in my heart.

Do I miss my husband? Absolutely. But no amount of pining is going to bring him back. I choose instead to rejoice in his memory and to keep it alive in my kids. The special people God gives us along the way make us stronger to face the trials of an ugly world. Obviously, I never expected to face something of this magnitude. But I thank the Lord for helping me to endure it. I honor the legacy of a wise and godly man who kept me going, trail and trail, gun battle after gun battle. And I resolve the keep living in the embrace of God’s gladness and love for as long as He gives me breath.

Between these two books I read “With or Without You: A Journey Through Love and Divorce.” Nothing particularly bad happened to the couple in this book, but somehow they could not deal with the issues that did come up in their relationship, and they are now divorced. It’s a raw account of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual turmoil that results from a disintegrating marriage. About a quarter of the way into the book I came across a paragraph that jumped out at me. At the end of the book I knew that paragraph encapsulated the reason for their divorce:

God never factored into our relationship enough. We never seemed to move past our own selfishness to see something someone bigger than ourselves. We should have been stuck together with God’s glue, as the U2 song Staring at the Sun says, but we were only stuck together by a marriage certificate and rings on our left hands. God was never the foundation of our relationship. He was only a nice add-on that we sometimes took off the shelf when it seemed convenient or needed.

All this caused me to reflect on marriage.

My first lessons in biblical marriage were given by the pastor and wife of our little mission church, who happened to be a great example of opposites attract, he was a type A personality and extremely gregarious while she was a quiet, private kind of person. Once I asked how they’d ever gotten together since they were so different. I don’t recall his exact words but the gist of it was, If a couple is just alike, one of them is redundant. God meant for couples to complement each other, not duplicate each other. Another time I was sitting and visiting with his wife and asked if he didn’t just make her crazy sometimes, and had she ever thought about divorcing him? Without missing a beat, she said, Divorce? No. Murder yes. But divorce is not an option. I was drinking a Coke at the time, and do you know how painful it is to snort soda through your nose?!

The bottom line in any relationship is whether God is factored into it. For the Birdwells and the Burnhams, God was the foundation for their relationship and that made all the difference. That’s why I found their stories so uplifting and encouraging.

And why I found the other book so profoundly sad.